im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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