Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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