Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
