If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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