But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your cock deserves a montage
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
