Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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