maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
