She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize