I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After tacos, we're chasing women.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize