He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
