When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
they're like a gay fantastic four
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
