I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
