Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
