I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
