3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
