I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
