I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
