Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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