Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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