I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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