i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
