She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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