God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
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Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.