the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.