Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE