Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
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She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.