I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone