and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
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Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage