I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
