We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
