doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
