people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
