I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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