you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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