do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
this is an emotional support booty call
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
