So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
