I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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