Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't deserve a penis
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
