It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
