yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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