I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
