Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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