Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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