I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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