woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do vagina's smell?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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