just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
