i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
