i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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