Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
