I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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