If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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