She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
