why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
