I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cannot find my penis.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
