Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
