no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I still have a little drunk in my system
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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