i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
