I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
its liver damage thursday
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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