you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
