ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
