you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
