And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
