:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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