once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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