I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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