My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Randomize
